Once, I wanted to be a teacher in the Southeastern part. It was long long ago…I was so passionate, so devoted that my ultimate aim was to serve the people in need and feel satisfied.
Years ago when I was six or so, I so desperately wanted to have a pair of red patent shoes with ribbons on them. Holding my father’s hand firmly and pushing him towards the shoe store with a child’s innocence in the eyes, I begged him to buy me those shiny shoes…He didn’t listen to me, and I cried. I never had red shoes in my life. And I never forgot that day. Now, I want every child to have red patent shoes. It’s not possible, I know.
Long long ago, I wanted to be a teacher in a village, where all the children can become happy when only given a colorful pencil or a small hair clip, let alone a pair of red shoes. What has changed and I don’t feel it anymore? No no no, I still have the same altruistic feelings, but I think I don’t have enough initiative, courage and strength. Now, my desire is to be safe and be let alone from time to time. Let me be and never interfere with what I am doing. I like solitude but I need people at the same time (I’m having a conflict here) :-S
I am a slave to Istanbul…I can’t go anywhere… when I am lonely, I will be here, when I am with people, I will still be here. There is a bond between us, something that attaches me to itself. Once you taste it, there is no turning back. Is it safe enough, I don’t know, but when you have someone to make you feel safe and secure, you don’t need anything else….Istanbul causes my old passions to die, I urgently need to build new ones…
My shiny red patent shoes…I don’t know in which feet you got worn out. But in my mind you were mine and I was happy…
It’s the passions that keep us alive…..Let them change but never let them die away…
FORGOTTEN HOPES 